Don’t fight it

Don’t fight it my love,
don’t fight what you believe.
Don’t fight it my love,
those things you cannot see.
Don’t fight it my love,
calm down just breath.
Don’t fight it my love,
after all it’s just me.

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My love

My love,
she is made of harp strings and melodies.
My love,
her thoughts are all but known.
My love,
she’s got courage of her own.
My love,
her voice in my ear.
My love.
Please don’t disappear,
my love.
Glimmer and shine,
my love.
Live and die,
my love.
Know you place,
my love.
Don’t escape,
my love.
Show me mercy,
my love.
Show me grace,
my love.
In a heartbeat,
my love.
We shall meet,
my love.

Grey

She walked in, no longer in surprise at the body that lay on the floor. Her eyes glazed over the tiny bruises on his face and blackening around the eye. It no longer concerned her, she told herself. The stench of alcohol and vomit had already started to fill the room. She came closer, kneeling next to the now gentle body. Looking closely at the face she once loved, once called home. A plethora of memories hit her hard, but she didn’t have space for them. Her heart was too busy contemplating the actions she was yet to take. Over the past few years she seemed to have lost her sense of right and wrong. Everything had become a dull grey.

What Best Friends are for

Mike, can you do me a favour

Not again, I already told you I was busy tonight and anyways you said you would limit to one per week

Aww come on Mikey that’s what best friends are for

Damn you, fine but last time this week ok

Yeah yeah

Promise?

Ok yeah. Come I go get the shovel

Say that you promise

Yeah I promise, now hurry up I want to get there before sundown

Kaya say the whole sentence and at least pretend you mean it

Fine damnit, I promise to limit my killings to once a week

So far not so good

I can’t write. I can’t explain with words what I feel. For I feel too much and all at once. I feel lonely, abandoned, angry, tired, sad, afraid, alo….. too many feelings. It’s hard to explain when there’s no one there. And even harder when their listening.

Only today, after a month of being stuck in one place, barley speaking could I see how far I was. How much worse it has become. How much more I don’t want to be with myself. I wanna say ‘their so far away’ but honestly their not there at all. Why does it feel like this? When did the feelings become harder to ignore? When did the distractions not become distracting enough?

Tired. I’m tired. Tired of it all. It’s all too much. I just wanna sleep. And never have to wake up. But I can. I can’t do that to them. Whether they care or not, they will still feel.
And maybe one of them is like me. Trying hopelessly to feel as less as possible. I can’t do that to them. Be even more of a burden. Even when the line between them and other humans have become a blur. I can’t hurt them like that. I can’t. And so I’m trapped. And as the darkness continues to consume me, I will rest my eyes and pray tomorrow doesn’t come too soon.

A dream

How does one write about the emptiness, a purposeless living? How does one write about oblivion, ignoring existence? On a quest to feel nothing and yet dream so much.

And in my dreams these walls don’t hold me, keep me safe from myself. In my dreams my body is free and my soul open. For in my dreams I love. I live. I smile on the inside. For in my dreams I have purpose, I have someone. Someone I don’t fear to love, someone I know I deserve of. Open arms and full of bliss. For I wish to feel. Happiness. Sadness. Joy. Love. To let the tears flow and wash away the pain. But alas ’tis just a dream. Just another distraction to occupy my mind. To stop it from reliving the memories or any form of emotions. Just another illusion. A form of self defense.

Never again

“It’s almost amusing” she sent one last text. Tears suspended from her eyes, her thoughts grew blurry. She knew she was shutting down. She never thought she would do this. She never thought she could. Sitting on the floor like this reminded her of all the time she wasted crying for him. An ugly laugh escaped her mouth as the tears finally fell.
“Never again” she said hastily deleting his number. She would no longer fall for the temptation which was him. He always played games with her, he even admitted it. Why did she continue to torture herself for this long?
Cause he was beautiful. He made the dark shine a little brighter. Everything about him screamed worth it. He was everything she wanted.  A wonderful thought. A pleasant dream.
When did the dream turn into a nightmare?