Remember this feeling. Remember how much you hate it. Hate being here. Again. Remember waking up and wishing you did it differently. Remember being upset at yourself. Remember to remember this feeling. Bring it back up, next time you start to slack. Remember what it leads to.

Remember the bathroom floor and the corner of the classroom. Remember holding back your tears. Remember how they talked about you. Remember it all. Say it over and over again, till its all you know. Fear is proven to be the best motivator. Let the thoughts become nightmares, till it keeps you up at night. This is the only way you’ll learn. Nothing else will do.

Think of it constantly; engrave it into you heart, your soul, your arms. Do whatever it takes. This is what’s best for you. This is how you get better. Let it consume you, every time you look in the mirror or think of your self. Till its all you think about. Fear it till you put off tasks, in fear of failure. Fear it till it makes you run away for your life, from everything. Till you can’t do anything at all, a crippled in your own life.

This is what’s best for you.


Under Night Lights

I swear there was some thing in the back of your eyes, as bright lights colored your face. I swear you understood something, trying to keep your thoughts and the steering steady. when I yelled holding back the tears so you could hear me, desperately trying to get through, trying to lock it in memory.
And yet I knew that wasn’t going to happen. knew you would push it out, disturbed by the thoughts I had planted. That wasn’t my intention, in case you were wondering.
I don’t know what I was thinking I was just tired, let my words get best of me. Tried to let myself go while walking on a ledge, desperately looking for the help I knew you could not provide.

My love

My love,
she is made of harp strings and melodies.
My love,
her thoughts are all but known.
My love,
she’s got courage of her own.
My love,
her voice in my ear.
My love.
Please don’t disappear,
my love.
Glimmer and shine,
my love.
Live and die,
my love.
Know you place,
my love.
Don’t escape,
my love.
Show me mercy,
my love.
Show me grace,
my love.
In a heartbeat,
my love.
We shall meet,
my love.

What Best Friends are for

Mike, can you do me a favour

Not again, I already told you I was busy tonight and anyways you said you would limit to one per week

Aww come on Mikey that’s what best friends are for

Damn you, fine but last time this week ok

Yeah yeah


Ok yeah. Come, I’ll go get the shovel

Say that you promise

Yeah I promise, now hurry up I want to get there before sundown

Kaya say the whole sentence and at least pretend you mean it

Fine damnit, I promise to limit my killings to once a week

A dream

How does one write about the emptiness, a purposeless living? How does one write about oblivion, ignoring existence? On a quest to feel nothing and yet dream so much.

And in my dreams these walls don’t hold me, keep me safe from myself. In my dreams my body is free and my soul open. For in my dreams I love. I live. I smile on the inside. For in my dreams I have purpose, I have someone. Someone I don’t fear to love, someone I know I deserve of. Open arms and full of bliss. For I wish to feel. Happiness. Sadness. Joy. Love. To let the tears flow and wash away the pain. But alas ’tis just a dream. Just another distraction to occupy my mind. To stop it from reliving the memories or any form of emotions. Just another illusion. A form of self defense.